Save me
by DreamGirlSeddie
Summary: Logan's life has been a mess ever since they moved to LA. His dad is aggressive and he's worried about the safety of his mom. If that wasn't enough he falls in love with his Best Friend Kendall Knight. What happens if Kendall finds out Logan cuts himself? KOGAN later on & Jarlos
1. Chapter 1

Darkness.

Pure darkness.

That's what I feel right now.

Loneliness.

Humilated...

Scared.

What if they tell everyone? Just... What if?

I trip over a tree root but scramble right back up, running even further into the dark woods, trying to get away. To get away from everything.

The air feels cold against me sweat damped skin, my hair's sticking to my head and my sides are screaming for me to stop running.

I can't.

If I stop, they'll get me. They'd want me to tell them what happened. I can't... I can't tell them.

I hide behind a big tree and lean over, resting my knees on my hands. I shiver as I hear the footsteps running past the big tree, my name echoing through the woods.

I watch as they disappeared and get swallowed up by the darkness. I sit down on the ground and wipe the sweat of my forehead. I rest against the tree, panting and breathing hard.

This was not supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to see what I just did. The shock in their eyes... the pain... they were scared... the disappoint from one of the person I care about most...

I swallowed and push my sleeve up, looking at the red marks on my arms, some still bleeding.

I bite my lip and try to keep my tears at bay. I pull a small package of tissues out of my backpack and presses them to my arm.

Yes, that's right. I'm cutting myself. No one knows. Not even my best friend. Then again... I barely tell my friends what's going on in my life anymore.

I bite my lip and hiss in pain, the burning off my skin finally reaching my nerves.

I pull my sleeve down again, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around it.

That's when it happened.

One tear slid down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away. I didn't want to be weak, I had to be strong.

I sighed and rested my chin on my knees. Another tear rolled down my cheek and this time I let it roll, quickly followed by others.

I squeezed my eyes shut and burried my head in my knees, trying to muffle the sobs that started escaping my lips.

All of a sudden I heard some rumbling above me and a few teardrops falling down, followed by many more.

Great. Just _fucking_ great.

I sighed and leaned against the tree, wipping my tears away, getting thoroughly soaked. I looked up at the sky and cower slightly as I see lightening and then hear thunder clap loudly.

I start shivering and wrap my arms around my knees again, curling up in a ball, hoping it will keep me warmer.

Damn it.

I should have brought a coat.

I shiver again and groan, stretching my legs. I raise up my sleeve again and stare at my cuts.

20.

20 cuts.

20 cuts on one arm.

I jerk my sleeve down again, not wanting to think about it anymore.

I hated it.

Hated my life.

I wiped my nose and glared up at the sky, suddenly letting out an angered scream.

This is so not like me.

To who am I screaming anyways?

God?

Like God can do something about my life that sucks so much.

I suddenly realised they are still looking for me.

I groaned and stood up, walking some further away. They can't find me. They'd bring me home and tell everything. They can't.

They would find out that-

Never mind.

I sneezed and rubbed my nose.

Great. I'm catching a cold.

Fan-_fucking-_tastic!

~Two hours later~

I... am so.. tired...

I breathe as I keep walking.

I kept walking in walking, scared that if I stop they find me and will drag me away.

It totally sucked that they found out.

And it hasn't stopped GODDAMN RAINING!

I feel cold and my clothes stick to my skin.

I sigh and finally sit down on a fallen tree.

I don't care anymore, my feet hurts, my legs are sore and I just can't do a single step anymore.

I rest my elbows on my knees and cover my face in my hands

How the hell did I even come into this shit.

Then I grimace.

I know damn well how I got in here

And I'll fucking hate that guy forever for what he did to us.

To us.

My mom.

Me.

I bawl my fists and bite on my knuckles.

My _Dad_.

He thought he was amazing.

He wanted me to be just like him.

He wanted that I became a doctor, just like _him._

He exploded when he found out that I was going to LA to sing in _Big Time Rush_.

He hit me

He hit my mom.

I close my eyes and bite my lip hard, shaking the thought out of my head.

I don't wanna think of him. Not now.

I look up and see that it had stopped raining.

_Thank god._

I stand up and reach in my pocket to feel my phone.

It's not there.

I raise my eyebrow confused and feel my other pocket.

As I don't feel my phone there I start patting all of my pockets frantically.

I had it before they found me and ran off. I had it when-

_Fuck_.

I might've lost it when I tripped.

I slam my handpalm in my forehead, mumbling 'stupid' over and over again.

I ran my hand through my hair and sigh.

It's probably broken from all the water it might've sucked up.

My mom's going to be pissed.

I sigh and walk to the edge of the forest.

Lights of the city sparkle in the darkness of the night.

I sigh and walk back to the tree and plop back down.

I run my hand over my forehead and sigh.

I would nothing more just to go home, back to Minnesota.

But I knew I had to stay here...

"_**LOOOOGAAAANNNN!"**_

I scrunch my eyes shut as I hear that angelic voice scream my name, deep in the forest.

I open my eyes and sigh.

My name's Logan Mitchell, and I'm in love with my best friend Kendall Knight.

**Oh my gooooosh. I never wrote angst before. I don't if I'm good at it :') We'll see. I'll update as soon as I can! I would love to read some lovely reviews.**

**You guys rock!**

**Xoxoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

_Logan. Logan. Logan. Logan._

That name echoed in my hand by every step I took.

_Logan. Logan. Logan. Logan._

My sides hurt, I was outta breath but kept running.

_Logan. Logan. Logan. Logan._

I saw the little figure that was Logan disappearing into the woods.

'_Come on Knight, sped it up a little' _I thought bitterly.

Suddenly he was gone. He was no where to be seen anymore.

_Logan. Logan. Logan. Logan._

I stopped and looked around, panting, hearing my friends stop behind me, also out of breath.

I turned around to them and locked eyes with the tall pretty boy, James Diamond.

His eyes were shining with anger, betrayel yet he was scared and confused.

I looked at James' better half and his eyes were shining with worry and he was scared and had a death grip on James' hand.

I smiled half heartedly. I sighed and turned around, and I swore that I catched a glimpse of Logan.

I gulped and started running again but I didn't see him anymore. I groaned but kept running. I was going to find him. I had too.

"Kendall...'' James panted and he grabbed my shoulder, twirling me around. "Stop.''

Carlos catched up with us and bit his lip worriedly, grabbing James hand and squeezing it.

"No.'' I panted. "No I need to find Logan!''

"Panicking is not gonna work. We need to use our head right now and figure out where Logan's going.'' James spat.

I looked down. I knew he was right, but I was so worried. What if he did something he would regret. What if he-

"Stop thinking like that!'' James yelled like he could read my mind.

"But what if it's true! Huh?!'' I shouted back. "You saw what he did in the bathroom at school James!''

"I know,'' James responded more calmly. "And we're going to fight him, and we're going to help him.''

"C-Can we just keep walking right now?'' Carlos piped in weakly.

I looked down saddened. The poor guy was scared for Logan's life and here we were, with me and James fighting. Fighting isn't going to solve anything right now. Carlos was right. I smiled and put my hand on his shoulder.

"We will, Los. Don't worry, it's going to be fine.'' I encouraged him.

Carlos nodded and squeezed James' hand tighter as we began walking again. He crossed his eyes as a raindrop landed on his nose. He looked up as more rain drops began to pour down. I sighed but kept walking. The only thing that kept me going was Logan. I needed to find him and make sure he was alright. I love that boy so much. I need him in my life. I would kill myself if something ever happened to him.

* * *

><p>"Kendall...'' James whispered.<p>

His voice send shivers down my spine. I could simply hear it about his voice. He was giving up. James Diamond was _giving up_. I turned around and his hazel eyes bored right into mine. I knew there was no way to talk him out of it. I couldn't let him keep going if he had no faith in finding Logan. Carlos sniffed and shivered a lot. I sighed and nodded.

"It's fine. Go and bring him home... I'm going to keep looking for a bit.'' I answered.

"Kendall.'' James said more stern

"I _need_ to James! What if it was Carlos?! Would've you stopped searching?'' I shot at him.

That kept him silent. James looked with heart eyes at the shivering latino boys in his arms. Carlos was very quiet every since we saw what Logan did. It was like he needed time to process everything that had happened. He wrapped his arms around Carlos and pressed him tight to his chest. Carlos snuggled against the warm body and sniffeled. James looked at me and nodded at me. I smiled slightly, knowing he gave me the okay to go.

"Take care.'' James said.

"I will.'' With that I turned around and walked further in the woods while James turned around and walked back the way we came from with his arms around Carlos.

I sighed and wiped some rain drops of my forehead. I was getting soaked but I don't care. I cared about one thing, and that was Logan.

I suddenly heard a loud thud and looked to my left. A shadow stood back up and started to run again.

_**Logan!**_

My breathe hitched and I ran after him. Fucking dammit, when did this boy get so fast!? My legs started to hurt but I wasn't about to give up. I was so close. I was so close to finally finding Logan. I ran so fast that I didn't see where I was going and tripped over a tree root. I smacked against the ground with a groan and watched as Logan kept running and eventually disappeared. Great. This was fucking great. I sniffled and sat up. Why kept Logan running away from me? Why wouldn't he want to tell us the reason why he did it? I loved that boy so much and seeing him in such pain literally hurted me. Logan was more than just my best friend. He was so much more. I wiped my tears away that made their way down my cheek. It was no use to cry now. Crying wouldn't bring Logan back. Crying wouldn't help Logan right now. I needed to be strong. Strong for Logan and strong for me. Strong for the both of us. I got up and kept walking when I saw something laying in the grass. Logan's phone! I bend down and picked it up. The screen was cracked as it landed on a small rock and it was wet and covered dirt. I touched the home button and the screen lit up. Well, at least his phone is still working.

I sighed and kept walking. My clothes were sticky and dirty from the rain and dirt. I wiped some dirt from my cheeks and walked in the direction Logan had run off too. In the distance I could see the lights of the city sparkle in the darkness of the night. I sighed and ran a hand through my wet, sticky hair. It was a cold April night. I sat down on a rock an decided to rest for a bit. It was still raining and I was wondering if I would get a catch cold sooner or later. I yawned and shoke my head quickly to stay awake. I needed to find Logan. I bet his mom was worried about him. His dad left eventually, I never knew why. It was a sensetive topic for Logan and he never wanted to talk about it. I just hope that Logan was alright. And that he knew what he was doing because I certainly don't know what I'm doing.

* * *

><p>My head fell from my hand and I shot up with a shock. Great, I must've fallen asleep. I glanced at my phone and saw that it was almost midnight. We spent the whole day searching for Logan. How is that boy not tired yet?! I sighed and clenched my eyes shut to stop the tears from spilling over. A soft sob escaped my mouth and that's when they didn't stop coming. Tears ran down my cheeks and I covered my face in my hands. I was full out crying right now. I sobbed loudly and looked up at the sky.<p>

"**_LOOOOGAAAANNNN!"_** I yelled loudly.

I sniffled and listened how my voice echoed through the empty woods. A squirrel ran up the tree scared and birds in some trees flew up scared.

This was no use. For all I know Logan went home and here I was still looking for him. I got up and stuffed my hands in my pockets, and walked back the way I came from with my head hanging down.

I looked to my right and froze. There was something laying further away from me. Or rather _someone_. My feet started taking me there faster and faster. I runned to the body and knelt down. The moonlight shined on his face and tears brimmed in my eyes. I lefted the persons head up and laid it in my lap. I stroked his hair and my hand ended up on his pale cheek, stroking it. I bit my lip to stop a sob from getting out.

"_Logan...''_

**Woaaaaaaah. It's been freaking long! BUT I was very, very, VERY busy with my study. I saw that this was not even close to finish and thought I finished it now. I find this story pretty fun to write and I'll try my best to update more guys, I promise. I have a test about every class once a month so I've a lot to study sometimes. But we've got only like one test left and two final test and then's my first year in college done! Yaaaaay! :D Anyways, I hope you all liked it and again SO SORRY for updating this late. Review, I would love to hear what you thought off it 3 **

**I love you guys!**

**Xoxo**

**Anja**


	3. Chapter 3

**~24 hours earlier~**

Logan slept peacefully when suddenly a pillow whacked against his face and woke him from his peaceful dream. He groaned and turned around in his bed, mumbling something incoherent.

"Logieeee" Kendall chuckled. "Time to get up" he sing songed.

Logan groaned and put his pillow over his head. Kendall raised an eyebrow when he saw that Logan always slept in long sleeved shirt and sweatpants. Because, come on, they were in California and it was terribly hot here, even in the nights. Then again, Logan always wore long sleeved shirt or sweatervests and long pants. Kendall didn't know how he did it because it was bloody hot throughout the day. Kendall barely saw Logan at the pool either. It was quite odd.

"Leave me aloneeee" Logan groaned sleepily from under his pillow.

Kendall rolled his eyes and climbed on Logan's bed and started jumping up and down.

"ITS TIME TO GET UP, GET UP, GET GET GET GET UP!" He sang loudly.

"KENDALL!" Logan screeched as he bounced up and down the bed due to Kendall's jumping. "Stop it!"

Kendall plopped down on his knees. "Are you getting up?"

"Fine!" Logan groaned as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. "I need new friends."

Kendall chuckled and ruffled Logan's hair. "You don't mean that." Kendall replied as he got off of Logan's bed.

"Yes I do." Logan mumbled and threw the covers off of him.

"Oh, c'mon Logie. You love us." Kendall stuck his tongue out at Logan.

"Unfortanetly I do." Logan mumbled as he got up and walked out of the room to the bathroom.

Kendall snickered and walked downstairs. He smiled at the other boys and sat down. His mom and Katie left shortly to Minnesota since his grandmother wasn't doing well. Kendall wanted to tag along but both his mom and Gustavo suggested that it was better if he just stayed here.

"Good morning boys." Kendall said and grabbed a slice of bread.

"Morning" James replied.

James had his hand on top of Carlos' on the table while the raven haired boy munched on a corndog. He gently stroked Carlos' hand and occasionally glanced at him with a loving and admiring look. Kendall smiled at his two friends as be took a bite of his sandwich. Logan came down wearing shorts that came til his knees and wearing a long sleeved shirt, like always. Carlos cocked his head questionly while munching on a bite of corndog.

"Isn't that way too hot to wear?" The latino boy asked his best friend innocently.

Logan shook his head and Kendall frowned. It felt to him Logan had something to hid for them, which was weird. They were the four amigos, they always told each other everything.

When Carlos and James came out, Kendall and Logan were immediately happy for them. Kendall saw it coming, before the two came out he saw James always glance at Carlos with a look he had when he thought of Logan or saw him. It was a look that consisted pure love and admiration. Kendall was crazy about Logan, in a good way. Logan just didn't know. He looked at his phone and saw that his buddy Niall had texted him. Kendall chuckled, from all the lads from One Direction he had a better click with Niall. After their winter tour they did together they kept in contact. Niall was fun guy to talk with, especially the fact that he was always hungry. He just texted Kendall that he was with the boys at Nando's. Kendall laughed silently to himself and typed a quick response back. James heard Kendall laugh and tore his gaze away from Carlos.

He saw that the blonde boy was looking at his phone and smiling, typing a reply back. James raised an eyebrow and curiousty got the better of him.

"Who are you texting?" James asked curiously.

Kendall chuckled without looking up. "Niall." He replied.

James smiled and chuckled. "He's at Nando's again?"

"Yep," Kendall replied while typing another reply back.

Logan swallowed his bite and frowned. He was getting kinda jealous of the relationship Kendall had with Niall. He knew it was crazy talk and that they were just friends but still. Kendall got along with Niall really well. He looked down and fiddled with his hands, ignoring his sandwich. Kendall pocketed his phone and glanced at Logan's half eaten sandwich. Kendall frowned and raised an eyebrow at his crush.

"Are you gonna finish that?" Kendall asked him and nodded to his sandwich.

Logan shook his head. "Not that hungry."

Kendall frowned. He had a feeling that it wasn't going well with Logan. He sighed and glanced at the clock. They had to leave to school soon. The Palm Woods School closed due the fact of to many teenage people being in the building. The state made a closed high school for them just around the corner. Kendall was already glad that they didn't have to go to an open high school. He was 100% sure they would be nagged by fans and he wasn't in the mood for that. He sighed and got up.

"Alright boys." Kendall stated. "Time to head to school."

The other three boys groaned and Kendall laughed.

"I know, I know." Kendall said.

They put their plates on the counter and grabbed their packed school bags, making their way down to the lobby. Kendall figured all the other students were there already since they were slightly late. They walked to the school building around the corner and the boys walked to their individual lockers. Lucky for them, James and Carlos had a locker next to each other and Logan and Kendall had a locker next to each other. What a bummer was, was the fact that Kendall had only 3 lessons of the 7 with Logan. The other four he had with James, Carlos, Lucy and Jo.

Kendall stuffed the books he didn't need until later on the day in his locker and closed it, turning to Logan who neatly put his books in his locker. Kendall smiled and looked at him until Logan closed his locker and glanced at him. Logan slightly jumped at the way Kendall was staring at him. It looked like the taller lad looked at him with a burning passion and love. Kendall smiled and arched himself up from the lockers he was leaning on.

"Ready to go?" Kendall asked.

Logan smiled and adjusted his backpack on his shoulder. "You didn't have to wait for me..." he whispered shyly.

"Sure I do!" Kendall slung his arm around Logan's shoulders and walked with him towards his class. Logan smiled and noticed he was leaning in to Kendall. But they were just friends.

* * *

><p>Kendall plopped down next to Lucy in his biology lesson. Logan now had Spanish with Camille. He missed the petite brunette next to him. Through English earlier they passed notes to each other and they were just joking around with each other. Lucy smiles and brushed a red strand of hair out of her face.<p>

"What's with the love sick face?" She questioned.

Kendall smiled small. "I miss Logan. That's all."

"Ooh." Lucy smirked. "You have the I-miss-my-boyfriend-blues."

Kendall playfully punched her shoulder. "Shut up. You and Jo are worse." He referred to Lucy's relationship with Jo.

Lucy scoffed playfully. "Puh-lease. Jo and me are less worse then those two love sick goofballs"

Lucy looked over her shoulder and nodded at James and Carlos who were playfully fighting with each other.

Mr. Johnson walked inside and closed the door. He walled to the blackboard and smiled.

"Alright class, be silent and take out your notebooks. We're gonna take some notes." He said.

The class felt silent and grabbed their notebooks without any objections. Everyone liked Mr. Johnson. It was barely the only lesson where Kendall actually paid attention to. Mr. Johnson was young and he knew how to entertain people and had a fun way of teaching. He made learning more fun.

"Kendall." Mr. Johnson said and pointed at him. "What were we talking about last week?"

"The anatomy of the heart, sir." Kendall replied.

"Very good. And do you remember the right names for high blood pressure and low blood pressure?" He asked him.

Kendall smirked. "High blood pressure was Hypertension and low blood pressure was Hypotension."

Mr. Johnson reached in his drawer and fished a lolly pop out of his drawer and tossed it to Kendall with a smile.

"Very good, Kendall. I'm proud of you." Mr. Johnson always named the kids by their forename unlike the other teachers.

Kendall catched the lollipop with a smile. Everyone learned the stuff they had the week before because Mr. Johnson would always give someone a small quiz. If you answered everything right he gives you a lolly as a price. If he was in a good mood, you'd get to call him Nick because Mr. Johnson makes him feel old

"Thanks Mr. Johnson!" Kendall replied happily.

"You guys can call me Nick today." Mr. Johnson smiled. He turned to the board and smiled.

"Thanks Nick!" Kendall said as he unwrapped the lolly.

Lucy shook her head and chuckled. If she didn't like Jo that much she would've definitely make a move on Nick already.

* * *

><p>Logan sighed as he plopped down next to Camille in Spanish. He was so not in the mood for this. Kendall dragged him through the first hour and now he was alone. Sure, he had Camille but all she still could talk about was Steve. Logan went crazy from all the couples around him, it made him feel lonely. It made him also realize how much he needed Kendall and wanted to be with him. Camille looked up from her notebook and looked at Logan.<p>

"Hey," she said. "You okay?"

Logan simply nodded. "'M fine... I just.. everyone's in love these days." He groaned.

"Oh, Logan. You're time will come, trust me." Camille said squeezing his shoulder.

"He doesn't like me like that Camille."

Logan whispered sadly.

"Don't think like that!" Camille said. "If course he likes you, he just needs to figure it out himself!"

Logan nodded. He walked when Mrs. Flaming walked into the classroom. Mrs. Flaming was a cool teacher but she could be very harsh when she had to be. Logan liked her when she was in a good mood. When she was in a bad mood, she'd give the whole class a popquiz over what they had handled last week, and by the looks of it, it seemed that she wasn't in such a good mood today. Logan was normally really good in popquizzes, even if they were unexpected, but today he just didn't have it in himself to do so. He just hoped that she wouldn't give the class a popquiz. He knew for certain he would fail and he was just doing so well in Spanish.

Mrs. Flaming pulled some sheets out of her bag and Logan clenched his eyes shut. He was doomed. The class groaned but Mrs. Flaming didn't gove a damn. She started spreading the papers.

"Stop groaning."she bitched. "If you paid attention last week and did a little of studying, then you will be able to get a good grade. Now silence, you all have 30 minutes to make the popquiz and I'll hand the results out later today."

Logan ran a hand over his face and looked at the questions.

**_Fuck._**

* * *

><p>The bell rang and Mrs. Flaming handed everyone their popquiz back. She came to Logan and handed his popquiz over.<p>

"I'm very disappointed in you Mr. Mitchell. You can do better then this." She said and walked further.

Logan eyed his popquiz with the big red F on it. He slammed his head agains the table with a groan. He knew he would fail this test when he got it in front of him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced at Camille from the corners of his eye.

"Don't worry Logan. It's not that bad. You got all semester to get your grade up." She encouraged.

Logan sat straighter up and sighed. "I know. It's just- I'm not used to getting F's. Heck, I never ever got a C-!"

"For everything is a first time Logan. You can't always be the smartest." Camille said and got up, swinging her

bag over her shoulder and started walking out of the room. Logan frowned at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" He exclaimed.

Camille stopped by the door and chuckled at him. "Exactly what I said. Now come on, it's lunch time."

"I'm coming." Logan mumbled and scrambled his stuff together, folloeing Camille to the cafeteria.

* * *

><p>Logan watched the blood slip down his arm. One, two, three, four cuts he counted. Logan sighed slightly at the stinging pain and clutched the blade harder.<p>

"This is what I get for failing class." He mumbled to himself.

Logan grabbed some papper tissues and dabbed them carefully to his cuts. He hissed and groaned. He was so deep in though that he hadn't heard the bathroom door open and when he looked at the intruder he felt frozen when he saw those familiar emerald eyes. Logan swallowed and dropped the blade he still had in his hand.

"L-Logan?" Kendall stuttered with tears in his eyes. Now he knew why Logan alwsays wore long sleeved. Logan cut himself. Kendall bit his lip, he felt horrible. He was Logan's best friend, he should've seen this coming. He should've been there for him. He should've helped him!

Logan gulped and glanced at Kendall with a scared look. He walked backwards until his back hit the wall.

"Logan.. don't be scared. I'm your friend, we can find you he-"

Before Kendall even got the time to finish that sentence Logan had grabbed his bag and made a run for it, out of the bathroom. Kendall turned around quickly but Logan already left.

_"LOGAN!"_

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys!<strong>

**Here's chapter 3. It's what went on before the guys ran after Logan to find them in the woods and stuff.**

**Besides don't worry, I didn't kill Logan. I'm not that cruel :3**

**Stay tuned for the next chapter! It's gonna be fun and will have lots of Koganny fluff! :D**

**So review, and tell me what you think guys!**

**BTW, IT'S ALMOST SUMMER VACATION! And since I'm staying home alone this year, I'll have all the time to update my story that are still open now. ^^**

**Lots of Love,**

**Anja xx**


End file.
